Content Warning: This post discusses the accidental harming of a small animal, resulting in its death, and may be distressing to readers sensitive to topics involving harm to animals.
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I #&@!ed up today.
I got up from the couch some time before noon to cook myself some food and when I slid open the sliding cabinet door on the kitchen island, a house gecko peeked its head out, which made me jump. In my panic I slid the door closed and leaped backwards.
It didn't duck back in.
I felt really really bad.
The next few hours or so were a mixture of panic, grief, regret, and lots and lots of guilt. I couldn't bear to look in that general direction for a while.
I eventually was able to feel better after some time, but I will carry that guilt with me until I'm able to let it go.